The Reason I Almost Joined Twitter

After being dumped by his longtime girlfriend, 28-year-old Justin Halpern found himself living at home with his 73-year-old dad. Sam Halpern, who is 'like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair,' has never minced his words. And when Justin moved back home, he began to record all the ridiculous things his dad said to him; at first, as his instant messenger away status, then a friend suggested he created a Twitter page, so he started @ShitMyDadSays and ended up getting millions of followers. A few of months later he landed a book deal with Harper Collins and television show with CBS called $#*! My Dad Says with William Shatner playing the father.

On Sharing

"I'm sorry, but if your brother doesn't want you to play with his shit, then you can't play with it. It's his shit. If he wants to be an asshole and not share, then that's his right. You always have the right to be an asshole - you just shouldn't use that right very often."

On Yard Work

"What are you doing with that rake? ...No, that is not raking. ...What? Different styles of raking? No, there's one style of raking, and then there's bullshit. Guess which one you're doing."

On Getting Rejected By A Girl

"Sorry to hear that. Hey, have you seen my fanny pack? ...No, I care about what you said, I told you I was sorry to hear it. What? I can't be sorry and wonder where my fanny pack is at the same fucking time?"

On Education and Hard Work

"If you work hard and study hard, and you fuck up, that's okay. But if you fuck up and you fuck up, then you're a fuckup."

On Driving Lesson

"First things first: A car has five gears. What is that smell? ...Okay, first thing before that first thing: Farting in a car that's not moving makes you an asshole."

On Managing Bank Account

"Don't get mad at the overdraft charge. ...No, no - see, there's your problem. You think of it as a penalty for taking out money you don't have, but instead, it might help you to think of it as a reminder that you're a dumb shit."

On Telemarketer Phone Calls

"Hello? ...Fuck you."

Hahahah his dad is just hilarious! A bit vulgar, but hilarious! Kinda reminds me of Ozzy Osbourne in The Osbournes. And almost made me wanna join Twitter, like for real, just so I could read more of his dad's amusing sayings. Well, as I said, ALMOST =p.

The TV show, $#*! My Dad Says (pronounced 'Bleep My Dad Says') inspired by the Twitter feeds and the book was not funny at all though (it got cancelled after only one season) - I guess it's hard to portray a character like Sam Halpern on a network TV where you're not allowed to swear. At. All. Hehe.